I just don't know how much longer I can handle this level of stress.

I wanted to call my friend Lucinda last night. Her husband is with the 1st Marine that has just gone in to Iraq. I couldn't do it. Even at the thought of it I started to tear up. What in the world am I going to be able to say to her that's going to help her to feel better? The only thing that I would be able to do is cry and tell her that I'm sorry, and that Jason, her and her family are in my prayers. I just couldn't do it. I don't want to upset her more with my tears and let her know that this is affecting me to the point of breakdown.

I just can't watch the news any more than I usually do, which is about 1 hour daily. It's to difficult to hear about the Marines that died. The only thing that I can do is just pray for their families, and that's it.

To top it off, I was pulled over this morning for the second time in my life. (I'm 27) Apparently my license tags expired in December, and we didn't get anything in the mail advising us to renew them, and Hubby just completely didn't do it. So despite all the adrenaline and the fact that I didn't have my driver's license with me (It's in the pocket of my jeans and I'm wearing nice pants today) I couldn't find my damned registration.

So that's another $60 that I have to pay.

Hubby and I have been fighting again too. He just doesn't understand depression at all, and sometimes I wonder if he even makes an effort to do so. I just want him to hug me and let me cry, and instead he's just to busy with all the things that he wants to do. I just need someone to vent to and most of the time it seems like it's hard to get his attention. He was nagging on me about calling Lucinda last night, and finally I just yelled at him that I can't. I need to get it together before I call her. I need to be an uplifting and supporting sister-friend to her right now, and I just couldn't do that last night.

I just feel like I'm cracking up all over again.

Dammit.

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