Well, no new news around here. Still feeling like crapola...and I've only made it to work one day this week. I hate feeling so awful all the time, and I hate having to depend on medication to make me feel "normal."

But what is normal, really? If I remember correctly, normal for most people is getting up, going to work for 40 hours a week, coming home to their families, sitting down for supper, spending time together, and going to bed at a reasonable hour.

For me lately, normal has been getting up at 5:30 AM (if the night sweats don't wake me up earlier), calling into work, feeling guilty that I'm letting my co-worker friends and family down by not pulling my weight, going out to the living room to lay on the couch so I don't wake Hubby, drinking some OJ, falling back asleep and waking up around 10 AM. After that I dink around reading and picking up around the house as much as I have energy for--which isn't much, this place is pretty messy. I eat now and then, of course not really anything that will upset my stomach or I'll get sick, watch some TV, check email and try to go to bed around 10 PM. Then of course I have panic attacks anywhere from 10:30 to 12 PM, and then maybe fall asleep if I can get my messed up body temperature to straighten out so I'm not going from hot to cold, and back to hot again.

What did I do to deserve this? I'm at the end of my rope. Wellbutrin doesn't work. Paxil makes me shake like a leaf and I still have panic attacks. Celexa makes me gain weight like a mofo. Effexor? Well, obviously that's not working either.

I wish that I had the energy that I had in college. I could do just about anything when I was in college. Get up, go to class, study, go to the bar, eat pizza at 2 AM and get up the next day and do it all over again.

What's happened to me???

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