It's not a good thing to not be able to tell others that don't understand what's wrong with you that you don't know. I don't know why I'm dizzy, I don't know why I'm always just exhausted, and I don't know why I'm having sleeping problems. I don't know why I have no energy to get things done. I'm not sure that I'll even get Christmas cards done this year. I'm just feeling that awful.

They've placed me on short-term disability at work. I'm not sure what to think about that. I mean, it's good because I have no more vacation/sick/personal time left, so I'm at home without pay, and with short-term I'll be getting 70% of my pay. Thank God Mom and Dad said that they would loan us money for Christmas, because we're up the proverbial shit creek without paddles even as far as bills go without it.

At least Hubby is working now. He's not making great money, but it's something.

I just wish that I knew what was wrong with me. Hopefully at my doctor's appointment tomorrow they'll be able to give me some answers.

Of course, then what if something super serious that's not curable is wrong with me? Can I live the rest of my life like I feel now? I'm not sure. What if they tell me that whatever I have isn't fixable? Will I be able to have kids?

I've just been kind of freaking out silently inside. I just broke down two nights ago, and just sobbed until I couldn't cry anymore. Hubby wasn't quite sure what to do. He doesn't know how to handle this because he doesn't really get sick. So now I'm all cried out, but still scared as hell because I have no idea what they're going to tell me tomorrow.

What's wrong with me???

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