It's been a tough last day or so.

Hubby is going to go to counseling yes, but he's still going to move out I guess. I talked to him last night, and he's so busy going over what has happened in the past between us that he thinks that he can't proceed with the future. I guess that he thought about it on the way to Beulah and on the way home (like 9 hours) and still doesn't know that he can work through what's happened.

He says that he already gave me a chance. I don't agree, because I don't think that either one of us was ready to try before. He might have thought that he was, but I don't really think that he was. I was, but I wasn't.

I have turned a corner. You know how things have to get really bad before they can truly get better? That's where I am right now. My parents can tell that I have been trying to make changes in my life and how I act every day and relate to others. I just hope and pray that Hubby gives me the chance to show him that I'm making changes too.

So he's moving out. I didn't think that he would, but I guess that he is. And that hurts a whole lot.

He's still going to go to counseling next week so he says, and I hope for his sake that he does. He's still so living in the past and he's not even going to be able to move forward in life if he's not able to move on past what has happened. The thing is, there is nothing to be gained by going over and over what has happened. Learn from it and move on, and it's like he can't do that.

I love him, but he has a lot to deal with. I love him with all his flaws, just as I hope that he still loves me. I think that down somewhere inside he still does. He just hasn't been able to get past all this because he doesn't have the tools to do so. I had to get help to do so and I'm sure that he does too.

I pray that he is able to find peace and help, and that we are able to work through this and come out on the other end stronger because of it. I have faith that we can, given time and the opportunity to do so.

But it's not up to me. It's up to Hubby.

And up to God. I hope that he helps me find the strength to get through this.

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