My Gosh I do hate bills. It seems like every time I get paid *poof* there goes all the money. And of course I drive an SUV which I shouldn't really afford...the payment combo with the SUV and Harley is $390. Okay, that's not all that bad, my interest rate kicks ass, and I'm right side up by quite a good margin on both vehicles.

Then there's insurance. $93.00 because for some reason my multi-vehicle discount was discontinued and they haven't put that back on yet. Waiting for that to happen. So yeah, if they keep it up, I'm going to have like one free month of insurance as that multi-vehicle thing is a freaking CHUNK of cash that I can save. Pays to own three vehicles. Or not. You know, whatever. I paid for all of them so :P. Or am paying. Ugh.

Then of course, there's gas. I need to check and see if I can use E-85. In fact, I want to do that right now...Nope. Shit. So that's probably around $150 now per month. I live out of town, I cannot cut down on my gas expenditure by doing anything but riding the motorcycle which I have not personally bought a tank of gas for yet. Dad and Dave always buy, which is really cool. I need to start riding that exclusively to work unless gas goes down, or until it gets extremely fucking cold outside.

I just hate struggling like I do. I mean, I have a good job, but my Ex used to LOVE to spend money. I am pretty locked into everything that I have right now (house, car, Harley etc) and can't sell either vehicle as they are both collateral on the home refi that I'm working on.

I hate living paycheck to paycheck, but I'm so damned thankful that Dave helps me out as much as he does. I thank God every day that he's willing to do so and has a great brain in his head so they pay him the big bucks. I think he likes feeling as though he's able to provide, but he doesn't provide to a point where I don't feel independent. He built the deck because he wanted to. Same thing with a lot of little things around the house, he does them because he wants to, not because he feels obligated to. Did I mention that he treated me to a massage last week? Mmmmm, heaven.

I just worry about him to much sometimes, he's having such pain with his back and leg due to the pinched nerve from his slipped disc. It's just not been a whole lot of fun, and now he's having some other ugly medical problem that's pretty painful from what I'm told, but isn't mine to share. So yeah, I feel awfully bad for my honey.

At least I can sleep at night knowing that I am doing the best I can, and knowing that my family and my man have my back if something crazy happens. Emotionally, financially and physically.

And that's something to be thankful for.

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