Finally home.

Been busy working with my Uncle on his metal building, that's why the lack of updates. Then we had to drive home. I was so worried I was going to get carsick (RV sick, whatever) but that didn't end up happening. I get carsick something fierce, but as long as I can see the horizon I was okay.

I really miss New Mexico, it was so very pretty there!

I came home to a disaster, my house was still just a mess and I still have a long way to go to get it clean. I have to unpack from Mom and Dad's house, then from the RV as somehow my stuff got all mixed up with theirs! The dogs haven't let me out of their sight, and I really missed them. Homer too.

Hubby showed up out at the bar when we were having supper. I didn't really want to see him, in fact I really don't want to see him at all but it seems like there is always something that we have to do together. Why? I'm not sure. It just strikes me as very odd.

He can't have me in his life at arm's length, it's either forward progress or nothing. But would I classify this as forward progress? I'm not sure. I haven't decided yet.

I am in the process of "de-hubbying" the house too. He left a lot of stuff behind and I don't know what to do with it...he said to toss it, but I just can't. I am taking down photos of us and putting away things that he gave me, or things that remind me of what a great relationship that we used to have. It's just way to painful to be reminded of every time I turn around. It would be easiest just to sell the house, but I don't know if I can do that either. And I have to sleep in that bed that we shared every night...that's the hardest.

I miss him so much, but I can't be run over anymore financially or emotionally. We both did some horrible things to each other, but now he has this wall built around himself that he won't let anybody in. It hurts to see him like that and know that I am part of the reason that he's done that to himself.

He says that it was a hard decision for him to make to move out, but he isn't even giving me a chance to show him that things are different now. The thing is, I learned from my mistakes. I don't know that he has yet.

I almost feel as though I hear from him and see him more now than before I left. How strange is that???

last - next

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