I have no idea why there's a white line over there to the right. See it? It pisses me off, but I have no desire to mess around with it anymore today. Besides, Chester wants my attention, so I will give it to him. He's such a sweetie.

Hubby has to work tonight, and since Dad went down to Minneapolis, that just leaves me and Mom. We're going to go into town and go eat where Hubby works. That should be okay.

The last time that I was out in public, it didn't go so well. I was having problems keeping my balance and was just about white knuckling the cart to death. I generally hate to push the cart, but this time I had to. Mom was with me and everything, but I was sweating and panicy the whole time.

She told me that getting faint and being dizzy is a kind of panic attack. Yep, that was me at the store. Not good stuff, trust me.

And I'm supposed to go back to work next week? I highly doubt it. I already am getting upset about it, my mind will sit and go in circles at night about what it's going to be like returning and what's changed, accepting my demotion, having to look someone else in the face and know that they took my spot...things like that. Even though I was demoted because of what (in my opinion) wasn't a valid reason. I didn't do anything that anybody else doesn't do. Did that come out right? See, I told you my brain isn't working. I didn't do anything different than anyone else does, and when questioning HR about it, I wasn't able to get a straight answer.

I get dizzy going to Wal-Mart for God's sake. Even when it's not crowded. How am I going to function in genenral?

The only cool thing that I managed to do today (besides finish up this design, or so I thought--stupid white stripe) was finish weeding in the front. That was something that only took me two weeks to do, even though it would have taken me a day to do before.

Laundry even takes me like three days to do, when it used to take me a day.

I just want to be better, that's all that I ask.

last - next

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