Seeing the Surgeon today - (2006-04-11, 9:13 a.m.)


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I've been debating making a new cast page, but I'm going to procrastinate that off for another day.

I'm kind of cranky.

Okay Dave, are we going to get married, or aren't we? Some days yes, some days no. And it's hard because it's confusing for me! We're either in this together, or we're not. Give me $2k to pay off some debt (lawyer's fees and parent loans) but then earn 3x what I do and ...yeah. I don't get it.

Dave also is going to have an interview for a job at a local hospital/clinic system where the starting pay is into six figures. Here in the smaller-ish community where we live, that's seriously good money. He told me at one time that once he hits six figures, it's up to me if I want to continue to work or not. Ummm...yeah. Considering all the medical problems that I'm having, part time would be great. I can't NOT work, it would drive me nuts. The topic was touched on briefly last night of how I don't want to go back to work full time after all this is over, and the response that I got was "Well, if you can pay your 1/2 of the bills...?" No, I can't, especially when I'm the one doing all the grocery shopping and errand running out of my own account.

Topic change.

I see the surgeon today, and I'm quite nervous about that. I just want to be fixed, at this point I'm seeing little to no improvement. Or if I'm improving it's going so slowly that I can't tell anymore. My wrists hurt to the touch on the bottom, and my left elbow hurts always.

I see people riding motorcycle in town and it either alternately pisses me off or makes me want to cry, just depending on the original mood I'm in. And of course, we had our first day of absolutely beautiful weather here, so that makes it even more difficult. Suffice to say, I was quite angry by the time I got home from work.

I can't even pull the clutch on my bike. Not even close. So any sort of riding around town or the lakes would probably kill me if I tried to do it. Literally - as I wouldn't be able to control my bike. So that's kind of scary.

This day has just started out to be bad, and I'm trying to be positive about it, but I just can't anymore. I have to many days where I hurt too much, and it makes me tired and cranky.

I'm just ready for them to slice my arms up, fix what's wrong and be done with it. Because apparently I HAVE to work full time.

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