Was going to write last night, but was having massive cramps in my arm. Thought about it, took a hot bath and some Midol and that seemed to help quite a bit.

Here's the down low.

"Kat, you're the perfect surgical candidate!" says Dr. B.

He can literally move my ulnar nerve around in my elbow in both arms. Let me tell you, it was better than being electrocuted, but definitely not as much fun as a hot fudge sundae.

The two big points that freak me out. You know, besides the surgery stuff.

1. He also thinks that I have carpal tunnel on top of the cubital tunnel. Yep, both arms/wrists.

2. He highly recommended me changing jobs to one where I don't have to use the computer. If I don't, it's guaranteed that I would have to have surgery within the next 6 months. Both arms, most likely.

I'm really freaked out about all this. And scared. I know that at some point I will either lose my job if I'm not able to do it - six months is what they tell me. Some time disability will run out, too.

I'm just very, very scared. It's a darn good thing that I have Dave to help, because otherwise I would end up living in a cardboard box, or back in my parent's basement with ruined credit. You don't have money? Then you have no place to live. Nothing to drive (and this sucks when you live outu of town).

There's been some discussion about if this happens, me going back to school to get my master's in HR Management, but that's going to cost big bucks too.

Every day I get up, I try so hard to be as positive as I can, and to make the best of what I've got going on - even if that means that all I do is watch TV that day because my arms and hands hurt so badly that I can't do anything else. But it's getting to the point where I'm having a hard time being positive because the news just gets worse and worse, and for goodness sake, why couldn't someone have figured this shit out 2 months ago when I first sought diagnosis and had to quit working?

Oh yeah, because my surgeon sucked. For the record, never go see Dr. Weist in Fargo, ND because he's a pretentious ass.

Sounds like part time work is going to be an eventual reality for me, even if I can manage to do that.

So that's the deal. Maybe you can understand why it took a bit for me to be able to purge it out of my head into my fingers. I have been talking to Dave and my Mom about it, and I know no matter what, I'll get through it. But it's hard for me to be financially dependent on someone else. Especially after my divorce and finding out about the $10k in credit card debt that I had no clue about...etc. etc.

I'm just really scared.

For whatever it's worth, here's some information on each thing:

Carpal Tunnel

Cubital Tunnel

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