Some days the words seem to come to me very easily. Sometimes not.

K isn't going to be able to take the dogs, so I guess Hubby is going to be putting them in the kennel today. He wants to live in his apartment without the responsiblity of having the pets I guess.

I just wish that he could explain to me how "it's going to be different" being separated, as I don't understand how he hasn't had the time that I've been gone in NM as time to himself? But he said that it is. Somehow, I guess it makes a difference if I'm at home? I don't understand, and that puzzles me to no end. D or T, any ideas on this???

As much as it hurts to admit, I would do about anything for him. That's how my love for him has changed. And it is so painful to know that I can't take back what happened. I am so different now, although he isn't ready or willing to give me a chance to prove that.

I can't wait around forever though, I'm going to have to set some sort of time limit for myself. Either he's going to want to come back and work it out by a certain time or he's not. At the very least soon he's going to have to tell me whether or not he thinks that we can work it out or not. I can't continue to be taken for a ride and just live in limbo. I need to see some sort of progress forward either in the form of marriage counseling or date time together.

I do take comfort in the fact that I will have the dogs and cats, my family and good friendships as a support system. I don't know that he really has as good of a system as I do.

I wish that he understood that our lives would be so very different than they used to be. But I can't force that information into his head, as much as it would help. He has to be willing to take the chance.

I guess I'm just all mixed up inside. *sigh*

He's going to come over on Monday to drop off his house keys, the keys to Mom and Dad's house, the shop keys and my truck keys. Maybe we'll talk about it then? I don't know. He needs to give me a chance sometime soon so that I can prove to him that I've changed and that I am changing and I don't think that he understands that.

He's not the only one that has been hurt to their very soul by this. No matter what I'm always going to have what happened on my conscience, whether we're able to work it out or not.

I want to be toghether with him again because I know that it would be better than before. I just wish that he could get over that which he has to get over so that he can see that.

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