Hubby called last night and told me that he has an appointment with a counselor next Monday. I think it's going to do him a world of good. We discussed what he is taking when he moves out, and we talked for about an hour total, I guess.

The agreement is that I will let him know when I am home, and we're going to try to see each other socially, like "dates" I guess. At least that's what I asked hin if he wanted, and he said "I guess I could handle that."

He did take the job in Beulah, but that is only from the end of August to Mid December.

From what he said, he just needs space. I can understand that. Even though I will miss him, I sure hope that we're able to work everything out.

I spoke to a friend this morning who is going to keep the dogs rather than having Hubby put them in a kennel, and he asked for Hubby's email address. I figured that he was going to get in touch with him to find out when he's supposed to pick them up as that kind of keeps changing...being put off...?

I got a forward with the message from K in it from Hubby this afternoon and I guess my friend wrote him a rather scathing email that basically stated that he has been acting like a spoiled child and that he would be lucky if I took him back after he moves out etc. etc. and I just kind of felt blindsided by the whole thing.

I know that Hubby spends money like it's nothing, his Mom told me that he's always been like that. Paintball is expensive, so is having a Harley. He hasn't really been straight with me in regard to finances, but I should have paid closer attention and asked more questions too.

I just think that we both have a lot to work out, but we would be lost without each other. He told me that he's scared that if he gives me another chance that we would end up right back where we are now in a year. He's the crazy one if he thinks that I would ever take him for granted ever again!!!

For some reason, it's like I had to hit rock bottom before I was able to get off my ass and get some therapy.

He said that every time that he thinks about me, he thinks about the fact that I cheated. Doesn't matter that this "someone else" is out of the picture and has been for weeks, that I broke it off voluntarily and that I have certainly done pennance for it.

He said that he feels as though he has no other choice than to move out for at least a few months. It's going to be financially hard as hell for both of us, but he says that he doesn't have a choice. He did also however say something to the effect of "Mari (someone he works with) said that it was my choice too." Well, being as though I'm sure that most of his coworkers have been trashing me 'til there's no tomrrow, maybe his sympathy from them is running out?

He also said that he has an interview for a different job next Tuesday, so that's definitely a good thing. There is someone there where he works now that I want him AWAY FROM because I DON'T TRUST HER!

I wish that he understood that he really does have a choice. He wouldn't be losing face with anyone if he decides not to move out. I mean, he hasn't signed a lease yet with the guy that he's planning on renting from, he could pay rent until someone else is found to move in if he wanted, and he wouldn't have utilities to pay there either then. He said that he was going to help him out with some things too as part of his rent, and he could still do that as well. There is always a way out. Legally anyhow, there is nothing that could be done to him as he didn't sign anything. My Uncle has renters that have bounced checks on him and it's been a real education. But they're a story for another entry entirely...

So it's his choice. Sometimes I wonder if he hadn't done all this talking that he was moving out and leaving me and the like that he wouldn't now. But it's almost that he feels as though he MUST because he told others that he would? If they give him shit for it, then I guess they're really not friends in the first place, right? He's not even going to be working with most of those people anymore anyhow, so who cares?

Goodness knows that I know that things are going to take some time, but moving out is a little drastic. It's not like I would be asking him to sleep in the same room with me if he wasn't comfortable doing so, or if we had to do things together, but at least we would be doing some things together, and that would help our relationship.

We've both changed, and we both have work to do, but the only way to give each other a chance is to have the opportunity to trust each other again. I would love to be able to trust him again, and would be so happy and thankful to give him that chance. Just like I did after New Orleans.

I've gotten a head start with my work, but he's just beginning.

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