So it sounds like they did okay at the paintball tournament this weekend. I'm proud of him, proud of them all, and as long as they all learned something about how they can play better and had fun, that's all that counts, right? Of course, it would have been cool to win as it was a cash prize, but then where's the challenge if you win all the time?

I did a lot of thinking this weekend. Obviously, if I spent the weekend by myself, right? I'm so thankful that I had the opportunity to do so as I feel as though I'm in a better place mentally than I have been in a while. I'm finding happiness within myself again and working on forgiveness. Working on not judging myself and others, but just accepting that things just "are."

I've done what I could. I've said that I'm sorry so many times... I'm seeing a counselor. I'm working on getting a job. I'm working on myself. That's all that I can do, as the rest is in God's hands. Not mine. And there is a sense of peace that goes along with that.

I pray every day now that he is able to find inner peace, forgiveness, and to be able to move forward and leave the baggage behind. But I do these things not for me, but for him. And that's all that I can do. I cannot push, I cannot be impatient. That is not the person that I'm aiming to be.

Erykah Badu wrote a song about having baggage. Now I think it's going to be my own personal anthem. I need to move forward, and not backward. Need to drop the bags, forgive myself, and move onward. I don't want to miss the bus, whether he's on it or not.

Even though I hope that he is.

last - next

Missed These?

Hospital Stay for Dad
S-L-O-W-E-R
Long time, no write
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What the F*(&^ is Fibromyalgia?